It is very easy to be put off by someone who says to us, “Just go and do it yourself.” We can immediately have our precious pride damaged when told to make something happen ourselves. A culture of entitlement that we live in these days works contrary to a pioneer’s rugged individualism. Our reactions can very: “Who are you to tell me to make it happen myself? Isn’t it your job to get it done? Why should I be the one expected to complete this project? Hold on...wait a minute...that’s not my responsibility. You didn’t even tell me how to do it! Jesus says, “Give them food yourselves.” Jesus is basically telling us to go do it ourselves and our reaction is one of distrust, remorseful pride and disbelief. As Christians, however, Jesus gives us implicit instructions in today’s Gospel to trust in His love for us. He calls us to calm down and sit down, to form our own small groups, and pick up the fragments of our life to become whole again. This tutorial of allowing God’s love to penetrate our wounded souls is intertwined in the feeding of the five thousand.
Four years ago in Sturgeon Bay at our the annual clergy Congress our bishop allowed me to share for close to three hours what CYE is all about. He then asked, “Who’s running it?” I told him that I was sorta moonlighting the ministry in between obligations in the parish. He said, “Well that’s not going to work forever, I want you to run it. You’re released from the parish now go make it happen.” My jaw hit the floor because I was not expecting this from a bishop, but we are talking about a special bishop here. Ordained by JP II as one of twelve bishops to implement the New Evangelization, head of the USCCB committee on evangelization and a powerful man of prayer. In Sturgeon Bay, my home town, where on the west side I was called to priesthood by Sister Helen in fifth grade, now as a priest on the east side twenty five years later, a call within a call to serve the youth. But with the added emphasis, “Go do it yourself!”
In the meantime, I have learned something vitally important that I hope all of us learn within the context of ministry. That is, it isn’t so much about what we do than it is about who we are. We are beloved daughters and sons of God, created in His image and likeness all with a particular mission to manifest in our own lives. Jesus asks his disciples to do something and do it themselves, but underlying the ridiculously impossible request is an invitation to trust God’s providential and abundant love for themselves as they go about doing the work of feeding the five thousand. As is turns out, the impossibility of the situation isn’t so much the five thousand hungry folks, the shortage of food or the even the chaos of the crowd, but the challenge to allow ourselves to trust God’s intimate love for us. If we allow that to happen then good things begin to happen in our lives and the lives around us.
Pope Francis recently remarked, “The one thing that is asked of you is that you let yourself be loved.” So many times we get wrapped up in the wrong thing. We think the impossible task is doing this and that on our own power and prowess. But Jesus is asking us another question guised in his command, “Do it yourself!” He is asking us, “Are you willing to allow yourself to be loved by me. To trust in me completely and participate in my divine power?” For at the end of our days of toil and drudgery the most impossible of all tasks is to look into the beaten, bleak, famished face of Jesus in his precious body and blood and realize for the first time that He allowed-that-to-happen-to-him-for-me.
Interestingly, as daunting as the trusting in His love may be, he gives us some baby-steps to allow that to unfold in our lives. Remember, the one thing He asks of us is that we let ourselves be loved...the rest is automatic. He wants us to sit down and calm down, form a small group and pick up the fragments.
How convenient of our Lord to give us Cliff notes for our test to trust, some remedial instructions in implement the impossible. After the disciples get the unbelief out of their system by instructing Jesus and dictating to Him how it is the five thousand are to be feed, Jesus instructs them patiently, lovingly and calmly.
First, He says, “Have a seat.” Standing always implies some tension, some work. Standing is the first intimidating and nerve racking moments of an introduction to someone for the first time. There is an officialness to it, a formality if you will. Jesus has them sit down. Get comfortable he is saying. Don’t get your undies in a bundie. Take a load off your feet; your weary and restless soul! Be at rest, recline on the grass. Be at peace. Jesus knows that the impossible possibility of the possible can only happen after we are put at ease. Love can not interact with us if we are tense and bound up in formalities. Today on feast of Corpus Christi, are we at ease? Is our soul at rest? Or are we jumbled up in the formality of putting on fronts not allowing Jesus to come close to us or anyone else for that matter? The Gospel does not record it but imagine Jesus walking through the crowd putting these fifty groups forming at ease. “He Johoabime how’ya doin’? Great job yesterday at the temple. Really enjoyed that sacrifice of yours.” Laughing a bit, making fun of someone who just sat in donkey poop or chuckling at these random people coming together awkwardly sitting indian style silently staring at one another as their stomachs growl.
Jesus then proceeds to break the five thousand down. He says, “Put them in groups of fifty.” How did that happen? Did they number off? Divide by birthdays or the color of their cloaks? Who knows, but Jesus wants to accomplish the impossible by being accountable. He asks the disciples, he asks us to remain in the intimacy of local communities of friends in fellowship. He knows that we need small groups to remain steadfast in trusting His love because it compels us to trust others. The ultimate F.A.T group: Faithful, Available, Teachable small group. But how often do we resist being “found” out in a small group setting? How often we see it as an insurrection against our personal autonomy rather than an invitation to allow others to walk into our loneliness and brokenness. It may seem impossible, but Jesus’ instructions give us practical direction in trusting in his love, allowing the impossible to be made possible through us.
Lastly, after the meal is all done, Jesus says, “Pick up the remaining fragments of food,” of which twelve wicker baskets are left over. This may be the most revealing instruction of Jesus to help us in allowing ourselves to be loved. Fragmented lives of distraction and whimsical pursuits of pleasure take us away from love. We bloat ourselves with self-aggrandizement and become lost to our true selves as beloved children. In is in fact, a compensation for not allowing ourselves be loved by Him. We become lost and alone, fragmented islands of remorse and pity.
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